Attending to the Ugly
As a society we are becoming more open to the idea of all feelings being valid. We are encouraging our children and even ourselves, friends and loved ones to feel, letting them know it's okay to be sad, or fearful or upset. This shift in perspective has been monumental in preventing the continued perpetuation of hurt, wounding and disconnection from others and ourselves.
Through my own inner healing, I have learned to become more of a presence for my inner child. Allowing her to feel what comes up as it comes up vs. pushing it down due to thoughts of it not mattering or the fear of what someone might think. I can more easily open to the feelings of sadness, fear, shame or worry that arises when I am triggered and bring love to these aspects in order to heal. I have become familiar with these feelings and welcome them without hesitation.
Although, there are some emotions that I am more resistant to feeling. Recently, I have had a lot of judgement come up. Judgement of my partner, of my friends and of people around me. This feeling of judgement I noticed I would subconsciously try to push away or ignore because I felt it was "ugly". It is a very icky feeling and I was getting stuck in these frequencies of judgement. I would tell myself to stop judging or to just remove myself from the situation or to try and act like it wasn't there. I did not want to be a judgemental person and was trying so hard to push it away. It was weeks of this and I was going crazy.
After talking with a fellow coach about this, I was reminded of a deeper understanding. That the program or feeling of judgement is no less important than the feelings of fear, sadness or shame. That it is just as important to validate and bring love to these "ugly" emotions such as hatred, judgement or anger as it is to the more accepted emotions. Me trying to push it away or ignore it was only creating stronger energies within my body and continuing to spread more separation in this world. The judgement was showing up for me to see, validate and bring love to.
After that realization, I was able to open my heart when the judgement would arise and bring it up into my heart to love and to heal. I felt a weight being taken off of my shoulders and was able to see so much clearer in every situation and become more compassionate for everyone in my life. More often than not, the surface level programs are only masking deeper hurts and wounds. Though in order to access the core wounds, you must first address what is showing up in that moment. In this example, my judgment was masking the wound of needing connection, of feeling alone. Though in order to heal the deeper core wounds, I first needed to heal the program of judgement.
Next time you have one of these "ugly" emotions show up, notice what you think, feel and do. It is only through the act of opening, honoring and loving all that is, that we are able to become whole and healed and more of who we truly are.
With Love,
Madison
